Oh my God, they killed Kenny!

You Bastards!

Well it was quite a finish for the Masters this year. Kenny Perry was THE story, vying to become the oldest guy to ever win the green jacket. Unfortunately for him, his bid for immortality fell just short, as Angel Cabrera bested Perry on the second playoff hole.

I don't watch much golf, but I always make a point to watch the weekend coverage of this tournament. Sunday's final round was a thing of beauty, with the Tiger-Mickelson pairing providing much of the drama. They both made a furious charge at the leaders, seemingly feeding off each other's energy. It was all for naught though, as both champions choked away their chances during the stretch run.

This was the most compelling part of the tournament for me- watching these incredibly talented golfers all take turns at wearing the green collar. One by one- Mickelson, Tiger, Furyk, Campbell, Perry, and even eventual champ Cabrera, all took turns blowing shots at the end, spraying drives into trees and missing gimmee putts. Perry's outcome was the hardest to swallow. I rooted for this guy all weekend. He was unflappable for 70 holes, and then inexplicably his legs turned to banana pudding, shooting bogeys on 17 and 18 to piss away a two hole lead and force a playoff. From there he really had no chance to get his legs back, and mercifully it was over.

Even though I was rooting for Perry, it was hard not to appreciate Cabrera. There was, however, one thing that continues to drive me crazy, which is these guys who always shout out "In the hole!" on pretty much every shot that Tiger (and others) take. Honestly, I think these guys need to be taken by force from the course and beaten with a cane, or rebar, or a porcupine, or whatever will inflict the most pain. I'm not saying we have to kill them, although that wouldn't bother me, but they need to understand that their behavior will not be tolerated.

You guys who do that, you know who you are. Your time will come, mark my words...

Creepshow

Okay, so everyone's seen how the Shamwow guy went all Chris Brown on his alleged $1K hooker for biting his tongue. I say alleged because if that's a grand a night nookie then I'm George Clooney. Anyways, the only thing I wanted to comment on was, when Vince Shlomi (rhymes with blow me?) was getting his mug shot taken, did he exclaim "Hey camera guy, are you getting this?"

Turn out the lights, the party's over...

In case you missed it, people around the world celebrated Earth Hour last week, turning out their lights for an hour in a symbolic gesture to save the planet from climate change. Also participating in this touchy-feely moment was the U.N. headquarters in New York. According to this story U.N. representatives originally claimed an energy savings of $81,ooo for turning out their lights for the hour, only to lower that amount down to $24,ooo after the original figure was reported, and then subsequently settling on an estimate of $102. No matter they said, the point was symbolic and the actual savings didn't matter.

The irony of the event is that I suspect most people turned to candlelight, in which case they may have actually contributed more CO2 to the environment than if they used a light bulb.

Feeling the need to make a gesture of my own, I enjoyed Earth Hour by turning on every light in my house, along with all the televisions and any other electrical appliance I could find. Hey, we all gotta do our part.

On a related note, Obama draws a clumsy correlation of the flooding in North Dakota to global warming. Um, yeah. He says,

If you look at the flooding that's going on right now in North Dakota and you
say to yourself, 'If you see an increase of two degrees, what does that do, in
terms of the situation there?'

Okay, so that's really a question and not a statement, but I think my response would be that I wouldn't ask myself such a stupid question.

The Rocket Scientist

Okay, so anyone who knows me well knows that I'm a huge Judge Judy fan. I don't mean to say that I'm huge, although I could definitely stand to lose a few pounds, but that I really like to watch the Judge Judy show. I'm not really sure why, I think it has to do with my attraction to really clever, sarcastic, bitches. Like Anne Coulter for example. Don't even get me started on her. Last time I read her column I burned out my keyboard with drool.

I refer to my JJ fascination as my Judge Judy Jones- you know, like I'm jonesin' for Judge Judy. I've even started writing a song about it, but it's still a work in progress so don't get too excited about it just yet. It's kind of a rap thing, like something in the manner of Rehab.

So anyway, I'm catching up on my backlog of JJs the other day (I record them on my DVR) and I come across this gem.

I have to give the lass credit for trying. It's safe to say she won't make my list of clever ladies, although I have plenty of other chick lists that she is eminently qualified to be on.

On a related note, I'm back in JJ mode later and I realize that I recognize the defendant! I know, it freaked me out too. More on that in a later post though. I can only stand so much excitement for one night, and I think Coulter's got a new posting out. Only this time I'm going to strap on a drool bucket...

That was then, this is now #1

This is the first in a series that I am calling: That was then, this is now. It's going to be a collection of quotes from people and how they change what they say, based on how it helps them at any particular time. The first entry is from our president, Barack Obama. I mean, if you're going to start a list of politically-expedient comments then you should start with the best.

“Think about this: We just woke up to news of financial disaster and this morning he said that the fundamentals of the economy are still strong. Sen. McCain, what economy are you talking about?”

-Candidate Obama, September 15, 2008 (Dow Jones 10,917)

"If we are keeping focused on all the fundamentally sound aspects of our economy, all the outstanding companies, workers, all the innovation and dynamism in this economy, then we're going to get through this."

-President Obama, March 15, 2009 (Dow Jones 7,224)

So what changed? Hmmmm....

The Doctor will see you now...

Welcom to the Doctor's Office. This is my first attempt at blogging. I figure if everyone else can do it, so can I. After all, I am a Professional. You can expect to find commentary on the things that interest me, such as politics and world affairs, music, sports, and many other varied and random topics and observations. There's a lot of weird shit going on in my head and I plan on dumping it here. Maybe you'll be interested in my ramblings, or maybe not. The choice is yours. Or is it...?